Surrender Booty
Moron Detector
WARNING!!!
A fully functioning Moron Detector exists. It's called the internet. Every ill advised deed you allowed to be photographed will some day be displayed on a public web site. Lately several law breakers have had their sentences increased when pictures of the scofflaws, mocking the judicial system came to light.
The proper operation of this Moron Detector requires neither your knowledge nor consistent.
Your complicity is required however.
After all, if you don't do something stupid, you can't be caught doing something stupid.
Earlier reports of anomalies and spurious results were overblown.
The teething problems with the moron detector were due to the fact that some numb nut insisted on turning on the Moron Detector within the incorporated limits of the District of Columbia. No sooner did the researchers get the dial to point away from Congress (a tow truck and a 12 ton electromagnet were handy in this venture) when the Moron Detector flew bodily in the general direction of the White House. Once the device was removed from the general environs of Washington DC, the guy growing marijuana in his living room who called the police because someone was stealing his pot, as well as the arch criminal who thought that the Santa Claus down the chimney thing would be a really cool way to rob people, popped up like magic.
Moron detection devices have a long and storied history. Among the first prototypes was a self identification device called the automobile horn. Thousands of morons throughout automotive history have attempted to use the car horn as a site to site matter transporter which they believed would enable them to pass through solid objects like slower vehicles by pressing repeatedly on the device.
A relatively recent entry in the annals of imbecile indicators is also of the self indication variety. It is particularly favored by young men. At it's most basic it involves walking around with your pants at half mast. The maneuver does require some manual dexterity as well as eye to hand coordination since the wearer has to walk around with one hand holding up his pants while the other is turning up his ipod to deafening levels. Impracticality and immodesty aside, one of the principle reasons why this mode of dress is an indicator of stupidity is its origin. In the prisons of America, droopy drawers are a universe indicator of the wearer's willingness to, as the pirates say: "Surrender the booty." It is doubtful that the majority of young America males who effect this style of dress gave much consideration to that proposition. Frivolously adopting a means of communication devised by men who like as not failed the 6th grade twice is hardly an indicator of high intelligence. Besides, the rest of us don't want to be privy to your skivvies.
About the Author
author of Liquid Mirror: Waiting on the New Moon
http://olympics.poetryman6969.com/
What up with surrendering to Jesus?
My brother likes to wait for missionaries to show up at his house, pick a religion at random, and invite them inside so he can try to convert them. The rest of my family tries to convert me, and has already picked their religion. Pity, that. I'd probably be more interested if they picked someone like Trickster occasionally.
Christianity it is, though, and yet another round goes by the wayside. No matter how much I explain they won't ever convert me, they're still trying. Very, very trying. This time around, they pulled out a new plea:
"Surrender to Jesus."
First it was "accept Jesus", then it was "open your heart to Jesus". After that it was "give yourself to Jesus", which you'd think would be enough, but nope. Now they're setting terms and telling me to surrender.
What happened to just accepting him or giving myself to him? That's not enough any more? Now I've got to let him plunder my booty, too?
What up with that?
I wouldn't worry unless they have weapons when telling you to surrender to the zombie
It's time for pirating on Lake Lanier 'Surrender the Booty!'
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 "Surrender the Booty" Pirate Skull Flag-58"x34"  US $.97
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NEW 3x5 Pirate w/ Red Bandana 3 x 5 Jolly Roger Banner $0.01 As seen outside Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Bright red bandanna with gold ring and black eyepatch provide a striking contrast to a detailed Jolly Roger skull & crossbones Pirate Flag. Large size, for indoor or outdoor use.... |
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Surrender the Booty Pirate Flag NEW 3x5 JOLLY ROGER Red $3.95 3 foot by 5 foot Polyester Flag with sharp vivid colors. Comes with 2 Metal Gromments for easy mounting to a Flag Pole (or wall) & a Canvas Hem for long lasting strength. For outdoor or indoor use.... |
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Surrender The Booty 3'x5' - Pirate Flags $18.50 Beautiful pirate heads. Made in the USA!... |
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Surrender The Booty 3 The Search For More Arse Synopsis The Search For More Arse Ahoy Mates! We embark on another erotic journey in search of more arse. And there be no better arse than Gina Lynn's, as she makes men draw their sword and fence with the best of 'em. Also, Eva Angelina is back to show you once again why she is one hot, busty wench! After sailing the seven seas, Marco Banderas discovers a finer treasure at Shawna Lenee's port. Ce... |
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Pirate Baseball HAT Embroidered - Jolly Roger Skull on front, Surrender the Booty on back $6.99 Finely detailed Jolly Roger Red Hat Pirate from "Pirates of the Caribbean". "Surrender the Booty" is clearly inscribed above velcro strap in back. Highest quality material and an excellent shape.... |
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Surrender The Booty T-Shirt #B131 (Black) Surrender The Booty T-Shirt (Black)... |
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Pirate - Surrender the Booty - Sword Skull Funny T-shirt $19.99 ... |
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Surrender the Booty Treasure Chest Kite - 36 Inch - Go Fly a Kite $16.95 Great pirate kite for ages 6 and up! Easy to fly!... |
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Michael Landefeld - Surrender Your Booty Pirate Flag - Sticker / Decal $3.95 Officially Licensed Sticker designed by the artist Michael Landefeld. Decal measures approximately 4.75" x 4.5".... |
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Surrender the Booty Pirate License Plate $8.99 6 by 12 inch metal license plate. Made of Aluminum. Comes with four mounting holes. Makes a great gift item. Hang this souvenir novelty license plate on your wall.... |